Dubbele gevoelens…

Het is de nacht van 25 op 26 december 1.28 uur en ik kan niet slapen. Moet even schrijven. Misschien helpt het. Het begon vanmorgen bij het opmaken, realiseer me dat ik straks, als ik geluk heb, mijn haar mag behouden. Als de ijskap tenminste werkt. Maar bedenk dan dat ik wel mijn wenkbrauwen en wimpers verlies. Shit! Hoe zie ik er dan uit? Begin nu toch wel bang te worden. Zat vanmiddag naar een zogenaamd komisch programma te kijken en dan hebben ze het ineens over moeder die langzaam dood gaat en dan komt het woord kanker.. Ineens had ik het niet meer ondanks dat het eerste kerstdag is en je blij moet zijn had ik ineens ontzettend behoefte om te huilen en dat heb ik dan ook gedaan. (nu weer)  Maar goed, het ging natuurlijk over en ik ben daarna met Adri een heerlijke bergwandeling gaan maken. Was wel fijn maar ook tijdens die wandeling denk je: het is nu koud, is mijn hoofd koud? Kan ik er straks tegen? Nu even niet aan denken. We zien wel.

Lag net in bed en keek naar een programma van de tsunami van 12 jaar geleden en gelukkig realiseer ik mij dat er ergere dingen zijn. Je broer, je moeder of je familie verliezen. Dat is verschrikkelijk. Wat zeur ik eigenlijk?

Morgenavond, of eigenlijk al vanavond, komen Monique en Patrick. Dinsdagmorgen Jacqueline met Eelco en Lizzie en Pierre komt de 30e. Dan heb ik mijn familie compleet, op Michelle na maar die blijft lekker bij haar vriendje in Hilversum. Ik ga er niet meer over nadenken. Ga nu lekker slapen en vanaf nu:


64 reacties op “Dubbele gevoelens…

  1. Love You mama! We komen er snel aan en gaan eens goed voor je zorgen ?
    Lizzie, ik en zelfs eelco mist je. Daarom springen we morgen in de auto en komen er zo snel mogelijk aan. Maar eerst even vakantie centjes verdienen ?

  2. Lieve Madou, heel normaal die reacties allemaal! Vanavond zijn de kinderen er en wordt je heerlijk verwend. We denken aan je en in het nieuwe jaar zien we elkaar weer. Geniet ervan en we spreken elkaar snel! We houden van je! Liefs, Millie

  3. Fijne jaarwisseling Madou, met allen die je lief zijn! En dan het nieuwe jaar in! Go for it girl! You will beat it! Dikke kus Minke

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